LoveToKnow EngagementRings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow EngagementRings

Comments

Thank you for your comment. It is interesting to hear how you wear your rings, they obviously bring you a lot of happiness.

-- Contributed by: K Pullen

I don't wear my wedding band first, I put on my engagement ring first because I believe that's the first ring that was given to you, to signify the process of you two getting married; plus, the wedding band will protect the rock! ;)

-- Contributed by: Ivs22

Thomas - I haven't heard of that particular tradition, particularly since the bride does not traditionally purchase the wedding rings -- the groom does, and presumably the bride would not see them until the wedding day. Still, in modern days it may be a good way to keep them safe until the big day!

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

There is a tradition that the wedding set is to go into the brides underwear drawer until the wedding day. Where did that come from?

-- Contributed by: Enter your name here

Erin - There is no set etiquette on the price of an engagement ring, other than it should fit within the couple's budget without being too extravagant. For some couples, that may mean saving up so they can afford the ring they want, while other couples may prefer a lower budget. See these articles for more information: How Much to Spend on an Engagement Ring and Engagement Ring Prices.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

what is the etiquette on the price of an engagement ring?

-- Contributed by: erin

Diana - I think that sounds like a very responsible decision and it would certainly help you and your fiance out financially. "Bad luck" is simply superstition, and as for etiquette, there should be no problem with it so long as it's not expected for you to return your first engagement ring, which it shouldn't be after this length of time. I'd suggest you talk it over with your fiance, however, to be sure he's okay with the idea of trading it in to help pay for his ring to you. If he is very sensitive about financial matters, he may not want to have an old engagement ring help pay for a new one in that way. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I have a beatiful diamond from my first marriage. I would like to trade it in and upgrade to a new diamond for my second engagement ring. The old diamond has just been sitting in my drawer for years and it could save us considerable expense. Is this bad etiquette or bad luck?

-- Contributed by: Diana

Lynn - You are making a wonderful gesture to your son for his girlfriend, though your younger son may feel slighted if the ring is also significant to him. If you have another piece of sentimental jewelry, you can use it as a "welcome to the family" gift for his future girlfriend or bride and it will be just as meaningful. Remember, however, that your oldest son's girlfriend may prefer a different engagement ring just because her style preferences are different, but your gesture should be well received nonetheless.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

i offered my son my engagement ring for his girlfriend that he met over seas when he was in the military. I got a divorce after 9 years of marriage...and its been sitting in my jewerly box for over 20 years...My other youngest son does not even speak of getting married any time soon. what exact ettiquitte is there regarding giving him the ring to give to his girlfriend.

-- Contributed by: lynn

My fiance' and I recently broke off our engagment and he started demanding the ring be returned immediately. I refused. I explained that he used jewelry I had from former boyfriends to assist in purchasing my ring. I fulfilled my emotional commitment of the engagement and I will never have my other jewelry again therefore, I think I am entitled to keep the engagement ring because my jewelry assisted in the payment of the ring.

-- Contributed by: Shelia J.

Jenn, This really isn't about the ring and at this point, you will only upset your sister-in-law and cause more family angst if you make the issue about the ring. I'm sure you don't want to do that, unless the expense is so great it will cause you and your husband financial hardship to cover the cost of the ring?

For going forward, the issue you need to address with your husband is that you feel you should both be involved in major purchase/spending decisions and why he didn't feel that was necessary. That is certainly something you can bring up with him and discuss. If he won't talk with you about this, you might suggest counseling since having an objective third party might help you each see one another's side.

-- Contributed by: Ann M.

My husband bought without consulting me an expense engagement ring for his sister who is getting married in two weeks. Four days later the details slipped out. I demanded the engagement ring go back. My husband has not told me the details still at this point! My hushand rather fight with me, see me upset, told me to move on, then tell his sister to return the ring or have her future husband pick up the tab. what do you suggest?? HELP...distraught and upset!

-- Contributed by: Jenn

Lori - Because the ring is so expensive and you have other financial matters at hand related to the breakup, I'd recommend you seek legal counsel about the disposition of the ring. If you have receipts or credit card statements that indicate who paid what that will help resolve the matter. Different states have different legal considerations for engagement rings and accountability in case of a broken engagement, and you'll want to be sure you are within the legal boundaries in this matter.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

My wedding was officially called off last April 2007 after I found out that my fiancÃ© told me that he did not want to sign a pre-nuptial agreement that was discussed immediately after we got engaged on July 2006. He and my parents got into some nasty fights and for whatever reason, he was not going to sign it and therefore at that time said he could not go through with the wedding that was planned for June 2007. I begged him to sign it and move forward with the wedding but he said he could not go through with it and therefore my parents lost $20k in deposits. From that point, I asked him to move out and we briefly separated but I still had the engagement ring. However when getting the engagement ring and setting, I paid for 13k of the 21k for the diamond and he paid for $8k of the diamond and I paid for the $1.5k setting. This was done this way at the time b/c I saw no sense in adding to his debt and figured since we were getting married, it was all going into one pot anyway and did not think of getting an IOU from him. So for the last 8 months, we have tried to work on things to move forward but it seems like weâ€™re just not meant to be. I officially broke up with him in April and want to move on. However, we still have this ring to deal with. Although we paid $21k for the diamond (I put in $13k and he put in $8k) and I paid for the setting and most likely will only get $15k for the entire thing, I feel as though I should not be the one to take the hit on the loss of the ring. Do I owe him anything and is it right for me to keep the ring? Not to mention that my parents lost $20k in deposits and he is not taking ANY accountability for that either.

-- Contributed by: lori

I agree; it is best to wait until the wedding, particularly since people may make incorrect assumptions if she wears the wedding band prior to the ceremony. An alternative would be to present her with a nice necklace or a pair of earrings as an engagement gift other than a ring, though it isn't required if she doesn't feel the ring is necessary.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Hi AJ, Thanks for your great question! Generally, if there is no engagement ring, the bride wears nothing on her hands until the wedding. Since the wedding ring is symbolic of the marriage, most people feel wearing it should be reserved for the married state, so I'd wait. Wish your friend much joy in her engagement and marriage!

-- Contributed by: Ann M.

My co-worker asked me what I thought about this and I had no clue so I thought I'd ask all of you.... She has chosen to go w/ no engagement ring and only have a wedding band. She wanted to know when her boyfriend officially proposes, should the wedding band be worn as an engagement ring and then removed prior to the ceremony? Or should she just wait til the ceremony to wear the ring?

Thank you

-- Contributed by: AJ

Bob - Most women will wear engagement rings on the fourth finger of their left hand, and men can do the same. For men, however, since the engagement ring may resemble the wedding band too closely, they may opt to wear it on the fourth finger of their right hand.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

On which finger should an engagement ring be worn on male, and which finger should an engagement ring be worn on female? Thanks

-- Contributed by: Bob

Anna - You could try explaining the importance and symbolism of wedding bands and how they represent the whole marriage, not just the committment. Another option would be to consider a guard or enhancer and not simply another ring -- he may see an enhancer differently than just adding another ring to the engagement ring. An enhancer, after all, makes a beautiful ring even more lovely. Check out Diamond Ring Guards, Diamond Ring Enhancers, and Diamond Ring Wraps for more information and ideas.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

My boyfriend is unwilling to buy me a wedding band, saying he would be hurt for me to wear another ring with the one he already gave me. I tried to explain that the wedding band would not diminish the importance or meaning of the engagement ring, but would seal our relationship. He still refuses. What can I do to convince him that this is something that I consider important?

-- Contributed by: Anna

George - The thing that matters most is how you feel when you give your girlfriend the ring, not what the ring's past may be. Some women may not want heirloom engagement rings, however, and you'd best discuss the idea with her first. She may be more sensitive to the fact that your parents are divorced, but if it is reset it essentially becomes a new ring, designed for her with the love you feel. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Father and Mother are divorced -- Mother gave me the original engagement ring from their marriage. Style is OK but would probably need to be reset to match my girlfriend's taste. Is there any etiquette regarding using this ring as my engagement ring? Seems like without the ring I may not have been born but on the other hand their marriage did fail?

-- Contributed by: George

Sarah - Wearing your grandmother's ring would be a lovely gesture to her memory, and while some people may question whether or not you are engaged, a simple explanation -- "No, this was my grandmother's ring and I was very close to her" -- would suffice without further explanations, especially since you don't plan on wearing the ring all the time.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I have a beautiful heirloom diamond ring that was given to me by my family for my 21st birthday. It belonged to my grandmother as her engagement ring. I was wondering if I could wear it on my right hand for special occasions, but I am worried that people would think that I am engaged.

-- Contributed by: Sarah

You're very welcome, John, and best wishes.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Then that is what I will do and I will give the metal to the bride to be at the rehearsal dinner. ......Thank You

-- Contributed by: john

John -- It sounds like you have a lovely plan for the diamonds, and I'd definately wait and give the medals to your sons' wives/fiances yourself (the ring naturally the son would give to his beloved himself). That way, you can show the women that they are welcome, loved additions to the family. When you choose to give it would be up to you, but it might be best to wait and present the medals just prior to the wedding, since they're not traditional engagement jewelry and they'd be coming from you instead. You could request that the medals be a part of the wedding itself -- not necessarily visible (brides are very particular about their appearance), but carried with them on that special day to include your mother in the ceremony and festivities spiritually.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

The engagement ring has one larger stone and two chips. The weeding band has four chips. Could I give the largest stone to one person and I thought of maybe putting two chips each into a metal of St. Jean (Jean was my mother's name) and give one to each son to be given to his wife or I could keep them and give them to their fiance when they become engaged?

-- Contributed by: john

John -- If there are multiple stones in your mother's wedding / engagement rings, I'd suggest having them split into four similar rings so each of your sons could have a connection to their grandmother in that way. If that is not possible, it is really up to you to choose which son should be able to use them for his fiance -- your first born son may never get engaged, for example, or your sons (and their fiances) may prefer different ring styles. It could also depend on which son(s) knew their grandmother best; if your youngest never knew his grandmother, he may have less sentimental attachment to those rings and they would be more appreciated and valued by your older sons. Another option is to allow each son to use them "temporarily" to propose, and then they can go choose their fiance's ring at a later time and return your mother's rings to you for the next son to use.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I am the father of 4 sons. My mother is deseased and I have her wedding rings. Who should I give them to, my first born son or the first son to get engaged?

-- Contributed by: john

Martha -- The issue of who inherits an heirloom engagement ring is a tricky one. In the situation you describe, ideally the married sister would not lay claim to the ring, and the other sister who does not plan to get married would not either. In that case, it should fall to the son rather than any grandchild first. However, it may also depend on the types of relationships each child had with their mother. If, for example, one of the daughters was especially close to her mother while the son was more distant, there would be more of an emotional, sentimental claim involved. Your relationship with the sisters may also be important -- if, for example, either of them disapprove of or just don't like you, they may object to your wearing their mother's ring.

I would recommend that all three children get together and discuss the issue of the ring -- as you are not yet engaged and not related to the family, unfortunately you'd have to sit the conversation out otherwise it may appear (however incorrect) that you were simply coveting a pretty piece of jewelry. Your boyfriend needs to talk heart-to-heart to his sisters and see how they feel about his using the ring in this way; perhaps there are other pieces of jewelry that would be just as meaningful to them, and therefore everyone can have a sentimental piece to remember their mother by. If there are major objections to his using the engagement ring for you, however, it would be best to let it go rather than to instigate a family feud at this emotional time.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I have a question: My boyfriend's mother just died and didn't make a provision for her ring. There are three children: two sisters: one married, the other older and never to be married, and a son (my bf), who is divorced and has two teenaged children, a boy and a girl. Who should get the ring? He is planning to propose. I would like to wear the ring until we have time and money to create one of our own, and then pass it on to his son. Is there any rule of etiquette for who gets the ring? Son or daughter? grandson or granddaughter? Seems it would make more sense for a male descendent to inherit as he would have use for it....

-- Contributed by: martha

Hi Keith - Etiquette can be a tricky topic, and it really depends on the specifics of your situation, both before and after you were married. If you were engaged for quite some time before getting married and have been married for a couple of years or more, realistically the ring would properly belong to your ex-wife. If, on the other hand, you were engaged for a year or less and married for a year or less, it would be more polite if the ring were returned to you.

Two other factors can affect that, however. If the ring was an heirloom from your family, it should be returned to you no matter how long your ex had it. Similarly, if it was originally from her family, she ought to keep it. The second factor is price -- if the ring was a sizeable financial investment that you paid yourself, if would be more polite to return it to you. If you shared the cost, the ring could be sold and the two of you would split that money. If she paid for the ring herself, naturally she would keep it.

Another key in your situation is that you've been married -- an engagement ring can be part of a divorce settlement and its ownership resolved through legal channels if necessary.

I hope this helps, but there is one more thing to remember -- regardless of what conventional etiquette may say, some people just aren't polite, and it may be more polite to drop the argument than to pursue it aggressively. That may not be the most financially sound course, but it can be more emotionally sound.

For more information, you might want to check out these articles: Returning an Engagement Ring, Selling an Engagement Ring, and Broken Engagement.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Just got divorced & my ex won't give me the ring back. What is proper etiquette??

-- Contributed by: Keith
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