LoveToKnow EngagementRings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow EngagementRings

Comments

Anne - In most cases, the ring is considered a "gift" and it would be up to him to choose to return it. If it was a very expensive ring, however, you may want to investigate small claims court to see if you could recover it, but bear in mind that that could add to a higher stress level that may be more dangerous. Be sure to keep yourself safe, whatever course of action you decide.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I received an engagement ring when my former fiance proposed to me. I said yes, and we started to plan our future together. Unfortunately, over the course of months, stress, new jobs, new living quarters and fighting consistently all led up to him physically abusing me. I cancelled the wedding and moved out immediately. I had previously bought him an engagement ring for his birthday two months before this all occured. I am hoping to give him back his ring (in a public place-one that is safe). I also want my ring back, even though it was a gift, because first, most men are not given engagement rings and second, because protocol went out the window when he put his hands on me. Suggestions??

-- Contributed by: Anne

Di - If you love the ring, there is no reason why you can't wear it and make better memories around it. If you want, you can have it reset into a different ring, or you can keep it as is. Superstitions are all a matter of the people involved, and if neither you nor your fiance have a problem with it (he may not like that another man bought it for you), then do with it what you wish.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I was with a man for 20 years, he purchased the diamond ring, but said...you know I don't ever want to marry you, but I got you this...which I had picked out and asked him to buy since we had been together SO long...we broke up, I love the diamond, now I found the love of my life, he asked me to marry him but we cannot afford a ring, can we re-cycle the diamond into another setting or is that sick????

-- Contributed by: Di

Jerry - I'm very happy to help. You might consider reading the following articles to get some tips on handling the tension in a relationship as you are engaged: Should Engaged Couples Go to Counseling, Right Age to Get Engaged, and Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Thank you so much for your advice. As it turned out, I think the distance between us was beginning to create a lot of tension (since we hadn't seen each other since January) that just kept building. When we saw each other about 3 weeks ago, we talked things out and decided to get back together. Thank you so much for your advice and taking the time to give it.

-- Contributed by: Jerry

Sylvia - Different courts will approach the idea of returning an engagement ring differently based on a lot of factors, including cost, who paid for the ring initially, the length of the relationship, and why the relationship was broken. Regardless of what happens with the ring, however, it is a benefit that you discovered these things about your partner before making a bigger committment.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Jerry - You may want to give your relationship some time before seeking to get the ring back, but if you think she may damage or get ride of the ring, you have every right to ask for it back. You will need to consider the cost of the ring and the emotional burden of drawing out the conflict, however, to decide if it is worthwhile to try to get it back, or if it is best to let it go. If you try to get the ring returned through the courts, different state laws about gifts will need to be considered, but for a promise ring the laws are less strict.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

My partner lost two rings whilst on holiday and claimed for them on his insurance. He proposed to me and I accepted but when we went to buy the ring he told me he could only go to a few jewellers as the insurance company had paid out on his claim for his two lost rings and he was going to use this cheque from them to buy my ring. It took the edge of off the day a bit as I wondered whether or not he would have asked me to marry him if he hadnt lost those two rings. He has ended our relationship as I had found out some things about him which were not very nice. He now wants the ring back but his ex wife has since told me that he has only lost one ring on holiday not two. This has made it really difficult for me to return the ring. He has now issued county court proceedings and I am seeing a solicitor tomorrow. I know it will be too late for this email but I would appreciate your input anyway.

-- Contributed by: sylvia James

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for two and a half years now. I bought her a promise ring about a year ago. Now, she has broken up with me and has threatened to throw away the ring (if not already done so). However, to complicate matters, she lives in Colorado and I live in Tennessee and I am not entirely convinced that she won't come back to me after this break-up since we have broken up on about 5 smaller instances before this. Is it right to ask for the promise ring back? If so, given the uncertainty of our relationship, should I pursue actions to get it back and what ways of trying to get it back should I take. I am really still in love with this girl but I don't think she is in love with me anymore. What should I do?

-- Contributed by: Jerry

Katie - If you have the original sales do...ents for the ring, you should be able to arrange a return or exchange. Be aware, however, that if the ring was purchased some time ago, it won't have as great a value and you may want to consider selling it instead. You may also want to consider Engagement Ring Etiquette as to whether you ought to return the ring to your ex-fiance at all; it can be a tricky situation that you will need to consider carefully in order to resolve it peacefully. Best wishes.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I have a question, my fiance and I split because he made some bad decisions, anyhow he bought my engagement ring on a credit card and I paid for almost half of it with my own money to pay it off, I also paid off about 7,000 of his credit card debt which goes well beyond the cost of my ring...I called off the wedding because of his terrible decisions...my family doesn't think I should give the ring back considering he owes me so much money anyways. I think they are right, but I'm concerned about what the place will say where I bought my ring, I don't want to have to give them all the details but I'm not sure if they will let me trade it in if I don't.

-- Contributed by: Katie

Sammy -- This is a tricky situation indeed; theoretically, the family should not be contacting you unless it is an heirloom engagement ring, your ex-fiance should be the one approaching you. That said, two years after the breakup is quite a length of time. The actual legal obligations you may have to return the ring depend on your state, and you may want to consult with an attorney if you feel the situation could become volatile. What I'd honestly recommend, however, is to not upset the situation further. I'd return the ring as asked (without comment), and then have a special ring designed for your goddaughter that will be unique for her. That could be a wonderful bonding experience for you both to choose gems, metals, and design, and then there won't be any negative connotations with the ring at all. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

ok....i have a question on this subject. I broke off an engagement almost 2 years ago, for the 3 months following the break up i offered my ex fiance the ring back several times. i don't remember how many times, but atleast 3 or 4. i understood he was in shock from the break up so i saw the need to offer it more than just once or twice. each time he told me it belonged to me, it had been made for me, etc. now....almost 2 years later his family has contacted me to ask for it back. it is not a family heirloom or anything like that, the ring itself is probably worth a few thousand, my hesitation is that i have promised it to my goddaughter. what do i do?

-- Contributed by: sammy

Veronica - It's a shame that some women may do things like this, but hopefully the prospective grooms might know a bit about their significant others before proposing, including whether or not they've been engaged before -- that's a pretty significant indication of how a current relationship may work (though not a guarantee, of course). Especially if one person has been engaged before -- or multiple times before -- the couple should discuss why those relationships didn't work out so the same problems don't appear in their relationship and there isn't a risk of a broken engagement.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

what about the scam artist, repeat "bride-to-be's" that keep the engagement rings...one fiance at a time? another broken engagement, another engagement ring kept!

-- Contributed by: veronica

I'll admit it... I kept the ring! I dated a man for just under 5 years, he proposed around the four year mark and then left town for 10 months. We set a date, started to make plans, put down deposits etc... It was his decision to buy the ring, his decision to propose and his decision to run for the hills leaving me holding the bag. Leaving me to tell the families, cancel all of the plans and return the gifts. I'm sorry but regardless of what is deemed to be right - it was right for me to keep the ring as my insurance policy for starting a new life alone. The ring bought me a move to a new city and a fresh start. Each situation is different and if you feel right about keeping it... do it!

-- Contributed by: Amy

Gavin - Unfortunately, a verbal agreement can be difficult to prove it it becomes an issue in court, but hopefully both of you will be able to come to a smooth agreement about the dispensation of the ring.

Adam - I agree, what to do with an engagement ring after a broken engagement can be a difficult dilemma, and much depends on how mature and responsible the couple chooses to behave about the ring.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

Ah, but it is awkward. For example...

1.) The man may have purchased the ring (and so has a claim to it after a break-up).

2.) But if he ends the relationship (should SHE not keep the ring?)

3.) What if she chaeted on him? (It wouldn't be fair for her to keep it because "he ended the engagement").

How difficult indeed.

I would never make a woman give me back an engagement ring, as to me, it is a gift first and foremost.

-- Contributed by: Adam

THE RING WAS GIVEN WITH A VERABLE AGREMENT TO RETURN IT IF WE WERE TO BREAK-UP.OUR PSYCHOLOGIST RECOMMENED WE SEPERATE.

-- Contributed by: GAVIN

Alice - That is one way to interpret how to deal with a broken engagement and who keeps the ring, but depending on the relationship and the cir...stances of the breakup, there are many other factors that may need to be considered.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I have read that the "Harmed" person keeps the ring. For example, if the woman breaks the engagement, then she returns the ring, but if the man breaks the engagement, the woman keeps the ring.

-- Contributed by: Alice

Bob -- That is a question best answered by a lawyer, especially if the breakup has been particularly nasty. Factors that may be involved include when you gave her the ring (if it was a long time ago, the courts may be more favorable toward letting her keep it), the design of the ring (is it clearly an engagement ring), and who purchased it (showing receipts can help this). Furthermore, if wedding plans had already been made and then cancelled, that would lend credence to the fact that it was, indeed, an engagement ring and now the engagement no longer exists. I'd suggest you try to work it out with her if at all possible before involving a lawyer, since claim suits can often cost more than the value of the ring.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

I bought an engagement ring for my G.F. everything was fine, I thought. No infidelity by either party. She just ended our relationship. I live in the state of Indiana. Who is the legal owner of the ring?

-- Contributed by: Bob G.

If you are on good terms with one another (still talking or polite), then you might still be able to ask for it back, but I wouldn't raise a fuss about it unless it was an heirloom ring or if it was very expensive (which begs the question of why you've waited so long). Really consider why you want it back -- is it to reopen old wounds, to reuse the ring for someone else (not always a wise idea), or just for the money? She may not even have the ring any longer, and after this long you'd have a difficult legal time trying to get it back. I'd recommend really considering why you want it back and then approaching her politely and gently about the topic to see if it can be resolved peacefully.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

my fiance and i broke off our engagement over a year ago, however i never asked for the ring back. but i am having second thoughts on letting her keep it do i have any claim to it now since it's been so long?

-- Contributed by: Nancy

Hi Rob - Because it's an heirloom ring, it's perfectly all right to reuse it in the way you're doing. I think it's lovely that you're adding the personal birthstone and engraving touches, and it has great emotional and sentimental value as well. Very nicely done!

-- Contributed by: Mayntz

re above: To Clarify- I am reusing it after having given it in my first marriage 7 years ago, which lasted only 6 months. It isn't a clear and simple decision to make.

-- Contributed by: Rob

I have an heirloom ring from my grandmother that I am reusing. It has two emeralds aside two diamond chips with a 1/4k diamond in the center. I am replacing the emeralds with my fiance's birthstone, aquamarine, and having it cleaned and engraved to make it new, yet keep it intact. I may also do some kind of "spiritual cleansing" for good measure, or have it blessed by a priest, a rabbi, and a new-age hippie or something. My fiance met my grandmother weeks before she died, and they loved each other. Please email me if you have suggestions rob.nienburg@gmail.com

-- Contributed by: Rob
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