Marriage Proposal: More Than a Ring

Marriage Proposal: More than a Ring

Before a couple begins to envision their wedding, they should first envision their life together. Certain critical topics should be discussed to see if they are truly compatible as more than friends, including:

• Finances: Who works, potential career paths, existing debt, use of credit cards, savings habits.
• Family: Relationships with parents and siblings, commitments to family events and gatherings, holidays.
• Children: How many to have and when (if any), stay-at-home parenting, discipline.
• Religion: Differing beliefs, churches to attend, orientation of marriage ceremony, devoutness.
• Home Ownership: Whether or not to buy a house, where to live, care and upkeep.
• Household Responsibilities: Chores, maintenance, grocery shopping, paying bills, laundry.

These are only a few parts of a marriage proposal. That proposal, after all, is the first step toward building a life together, and if the couple discovers that their views are vastly different on many of these mundane issues, they may not wish to advance their relationship further. Ideally, they can reconcile any discrepancies through caring, compromise, and understanding.

Where to Get Pre-Marital Counseling

Financial plans are critical.

Many couples choose pre-marital counseling to help them iron out differences in their lifestyle viewpoints. Respected family members (from each side), religious authorities, and professional counselors are all good sources for discussion and mediation. Many states require couples to undergo several hours of structured pre-marital counseling before obtaining a marriage license to encourage couples to address these types of issues before making a lifetime commitment.

When is the Right Time to Propose

There are several types of “right time” to tender a marriage proposal. More than a ring is needed to make the time right. Ideally, the couple will have discussed many of the key issues about their life together, and they may have attended some preliminary counseling or informal consultations. The emotional right time is trickier: it may be “right” on the anniversary of a first date, a birthday, holiday such as Christmas or Valentine’s Day, in celebration of a momentous event like a graduation or promotion, or at the end of a long separation. A marriage proposal should not be rushed to coincide with another event or anniversary, however, and both the bride- and groom-to-be should be comfortable with the commitment to enriching their relationship without rushing into an answer.

After the Marriage Proposal

Discussion and counseling does not end with the word “yes” and a glittering diamond ring. As the couple begins to plan their wedding, they should continue to discuss problems and conflicts before they become distressing or explosive topics. In fact, many couples discover new topics to discuss as their families come together for the first time, often arguing over perceived difficulties with the wedding planning. Instead of choosing sides and exacerbating arguments with these issues, couples should use the opportunity to continue working out their differences before they walk down the aisle.

A marriage proposal is more than a ring and far more than a simple question. It leads to far more than a wedding. Before committing to marriage, couples should discuss key issues in their lives and strive to reconcile potential problems long before they become arguments in a divorce case. Both informal and professional counseling can help the couple better understand one another’s lifestyles in order to better integrate into their new life together. That discussion and counseling should continue far past the giving of an engagement ring or the saying of vows, and by starting that dedication to communication long before the marriage proposal, the couple guarantees that the relationship will continue to grow long afterwards.