Engagement Ring Etiquette

Should the Man Wear an Engagement Ring?

While most men wear only a wedding band, some men do want to wear an engagement ring as a symbol of their impending nuptials. Men's engagement rings vary significantly from women’s, but there are many options for style preferences. If the man does choose to wear an engagement ring, be aware that conservative family members may assume it means the wedding has already taken place, and the couple should be prepared to explain their preferences.

Can You Reuse an Engagement Ring?

While ideally each engagement ring would last till death do us part, rising divorce rates bring this question into acute focus. The decision to reuse a ring is an extremely personal one: the wearer may simply like the style of ring and see no need for another. On the other hand, one or both partners may wish to have a fresh start with a new ring unassociated with past relationships. This should be a mutual decision, and old rings can always be reworked or slightly reset in order to be renewed without complete renovations.

Can You Give a Family Heirloom as an Engagement Ring?

Heirloom engagement rings are not only symbolic of the giver's love, but also full of tradition and family memories. Make certain that other family members agree with the decision, however, so there will not familial strife over who possesses the jewelry. Also be sure to make provisions for the ring to be returned to the family in the event the relationship does not work out.

What If I Can't Find a Matching Band?

Custom bands can be made to match any ring style, or the engagement ring itself can be restyled while a matching band is designed simultaneously. If you don't want to go to this trouble or expense, however, you can always wear your engagement ring on your right hand and your wedding band on your left hand, or choose a very simple band to accompany nearly any enagement ring.

On Which Hand Should the Engagement Ring Be Worn?

Modern tradition dictates that the engagement ring be worn on the ring finger of the left hand. With jewelers advocating right hand rings without relationship affiliations, this is the best way to indicate your engagement as well as follow engagement ring etiquette.

What If I Dislike My Ring?

This could be a difficult dilemma if you didn't have any input on the style of your ring but your fiance spent a lot of time selecting it. To avoid hurt feelings and hidden resentments, it is best to be honest and discuss the situation. Make it clear that you don’t question the emotion behind the gift, but that the style simply doesn’t suit you. It is possible to restyle the ring, using the stone but changing the band and setting, or you may return the ring and select a more appropriate one together.

Does My Ring Have to be a Diamond?

Sapphire and diamond ring.

Traditional engagement rings are diamonds, but today’s rings can be any gemstone. For a more traditional look while still using other stones, consider a central diamond framed with different accent gems or vice versa. The most important thing is to feel comfortable with a ring that suits you.

Is It Ethical to Split the Cost of a Ring?

Tradition dictates that the man pays for the ring. In modern weddings, however, many couples are already sharing a home and expenses, and might as well share this expense, too. Budgeting for the ring and sharing the engagement ring cost guarantees that the couple discusses financial planning long before the marriage, and that insight into one another’s economical viewpoints is crucial for a successful relationship.

Which Ring Goes On First?

Traditionally, the wedding band is worn closest to the heart. Because of this, most women slide their wedding band on first and then place the engagement ring on top of that. Many bridal sets and matched rings are soldered together, however, making this a moot point and entirely up to personal preference.

What Do I Do With My Engagement Ring During the Ceremony?

At the wedding, the groom will slide the wedding band on the bride's finger, and there can be a dilemma as to what to do with the engagement ring. Some women simply leave their rings on their fingers and switch the places of the rings later. Others wear their engagement rings on their right hand until after the ceremony. The choice is up to you and there are no clear engagement ring etiquette rules for most faiths.

Is It All Right to Wear a Wedding Band Before the Wedding?

A ring is a symbol of a couple’s commitment to one another. Some couples choose to use simple bands as engagement rings, saving the glamour and expense of a diamond ring for the wedding ceremony. Both rings should not be worn until after the wedding, however, and choosing to wear a wedding band in lieu of an engagement ring may raise questions from family and friends.

Can I Get Engaged Before My Divorce Is Final?

Divorce Proceedings.

A divorce is a legal proceeding, but an engagement is only an emotional commitment with no legal bond. Difficult divorces can take months or years to finalize, and some couples in love go ahead and get engaged. It is generally a good idea to wait until the divorce papers are signed, however, and you should check with your local and state guidelines if there may be any conflict.

Who Pays for the Groom's Wedding Band?

Traditional engagement ring etiquette dictates that the groom buys the engagement ring and the bride's wedding band, and the bride buys the groom's wedding band. An exception to this would obviously be if the groom is going to use an heirloom ring for his wedding band. For many couples today, however, both bride and groom contribute to all the wedding expenses, including the rings.

Must the Bride and Groom's Bands Match?

While many couples prefer to purchase matching wedding ring sets, and many of these also include the engagement ring, it isn't necessary for the groom's and bride's bands to match. This is strictly a personal preference.

What Happens to the Ring When an Engagement is Broken?

Some states’ laws dictate that the ring must be given back because it was a gift. Other states agree that if the man broke off the engagement, the woman has the right to keep the ring. Other states look at engagement rings as unconditional gifts that the bride can keep regardless of the circumstances. Finally, if the ring is an heirloom, there may be a question about the ethics of returning the ring. In general, it is in good taste for the woman to offer to return the ring after a broken engagement, while the man is free to refuse it. For very expensive or heirloom rings, couples may want to have a prenuptial agreement drawn up before the wedding.

An engagement ring is more than just a sparkling piece of jewelry -- it is a symbol of a couple's relationship, and it should be treated with all the proper respect due that relationship. Understanding engagement ring etiquette is critical to honor both the ring itself and the commitment it represents.