Engagement Parties

What is an Engagement Party?

An engagement party is a celebration of the couple’s commitment to wed. Unlike a bridal shower or bachelor party, which celebrates only one person in the couple, an engagement party puts both the bride- and groom-to-be in the spotlight. A party is by no means necessary, and many couples forgo the event because of scheduling constraints or travel limitations for distant friends and relatives.

When to Have

Ideally, an engagement celebration is held soon after the official engagement announcement, often within a month. Couples who choose to host their own party may use the event to announce their intentions, even surprising their guests with the happy news. If the engagement party is going to be an elaborate affair, it may be several weeks or months after the couple becomes engaged. An engagement party should never be held longer than three months after the proposal, however, or it will seem too pretentious or presumptuous.

Who Hosts

Usually, the couple’s parents or friends host the party, unless the couple is using it as a platform to announce their engagement. It does not matter which set of parents arranges the event, and there may even be two engagement festivities if the families live in different cities.

It is extremely poor taste for a couple to suggest an engagement celebration. Parents, particularly if they will be helping with wedding expenses, may be unwilling or unable to support the additional cost of a party, and it may be an unfamiliar custom to many families. If no offers are forthcoming but the couple still wants to celebrate with a specialized party, they should consider hosting the event themselves as an informal celebration.

Types of Engagement Parties

A barbeque can be a fun and casual get-together.

It is only for celebrities, royalty, and the exceedingly wealthy that engagement parties are elaborate affairs. More frequently, a nice dinner (formal or informal) is the perfect venue for a family to honor the couple, and many families prefer a casual event such as a barbeque or pool party. For smaller budgets, an afternoon party is acceptable, perhaps as a tea or simply a small gathering with casual refreshments. Depending on the couple’s tastes, an engagement party may involve a trip to an amusement park, romantic movie, sporting event, beach, or other entertaining location.

Activities

While weddings have regimented traditions and expected activities, there are very few formal expectations for engagement festivities. The host announces the engagement to the assembled guests, even if the news of the engagement is commonly known beforehand, but otherwise the activities can vary widely. Depending on the level of formality, number of guests, and party budget, couples can consider different activities such as:

• Telling the proposal story, complete with pictures if appropriate
• Relating other anecdotes (first meeting, first date, etc.)
• Toasts or other acknowledgements
• Formally asking friends and relatives to participate in the wedding party
• Announcing the date and location of the wedding
• Showing off the engagement ring

Many times, parties are simply a fun opportunity to get together with friends and family to celebrate the initial news of a couple’s matrimonial intentions, and whatever activities best appeal to the couple and their guests are always appropriate.

Engagement Gifts

Unlike bridal showers and wedding invitations, there should be no expectation of gifts for an engagement party. The party should be held early enough in the engagement period that the couple has not yet registered for wedding gifts, and guests should not feel obligated to offer any. At the same time, however, many close relatives and friends may want to give the couple a small token to celebrate their happy news. Appropriate engagement party gifts include:

• Gift certificates for a romantic dinner-for-two
• Nostalgic items for use in the wedding (a mother giving her bride-to-be daughter “something old” for example)
• Wedding planning materials such as calendars or workbooks

Card stores offer a limited selection of engagement congratulations cards, typically displayed near the wedding and anniversary cards.

An engagement is a time of romance and celebration, and many couples enjoy engagement celebrations to kick off the wedding planning period. Engagement parties are naturally more laid-back than bridal showers or other wedding-oriented events, and they should focus on both individuals rather than just the bride- or groom-to-be. There are no set activities for parties, nor should gifts be expected. The main point to remember is the heart of the event: the couple’s intention to join their lives together with love and commitment. That intention is truly worth celebrating.