Engagement Gifts
From LoveToKnow EngagementRings
An engagement is a special, romantic time in a couple’s relationship and close family and friends may wish to celebrate the event with announcements, a party, or engagement gifts. Many people are unaware of what makes an appropriate present, however, particularly since the couple will soon be receiving wedding gifts.
Who Gives Engagement Gifts
Gifts for the engagement should never be expected nor required, but they are fine tokens of celebration to honor the happy couple. Generally, only people very close to the couple – and the couple themselves – will give engagement gifts, as most relatives and friends anticipate upcoming wedding gifts.
The Couple
The bride- and groom-to-be will often exchange gifts to commemorate their engagement. While the bride has received an engagement ring, she may wish to find a suitable token of her commitment to give her soon-to-be husband, such as a nice watch, tie tack, or even his own engagement ring. In return, the groom may give the bride additional jewelry (perhaps something she will wear at the wedding, particularly an heirloom from his family) or something associated with her ring, such as a jewelry box or matching diamond earrings.
The Parents
Naturally, both sets of parents are the people closest to the impending nuptials, and they will often offer engagement gifts to the happy couple. They may choose sentimental heirlooms, practical wedding-planning items, or perhaps the first items that will grace the couple’s new home as they make their life together.
Friends and Relatives
It is less common for friends and relatives to give gifts, particularly if their relationship to the couple is more distant. A simple trinket, such as a thoughtful card or dinner gift certificate, may be offered in celebration, though such items should never be expected.
Gift Ideas
Because weddings involve lists of registered gifts, many guests choose to delay any gift-giving until they can choose items they know the couple wants and needs. Engagement presents should be given early enough in the planning that the couple has not yet registered for gifts, however, making such easy selections impossible. Without a preplanned list, there are still any number of suitable choices:
- Wedding planning books, calendars, or guides
- Bridal magazine subscriptions, particularly if the wedding is a year or more away
- Dinner-for-two gift certificates the couple can share
- Movie or event tickets for two
- Wedding accessories, such as a guestbook or cake serving set
- Specialized engagement congratulations cards (found in card stores near the wedding selection)
- Nostalgic heirloom items such as the “something old” or “something blue” for family traditions
If the engagement period is short and the couple has already registered for wedding gifts, it may be wiser to give wedding gifts rather than doubling up with engagement ones as well. On the other hand, most couples do not receive everything from their wedding registry and the extra thought will be appreciated.
Engagement Gift Etiquette
Gifts are not required and should never be expected, even from parents and close friends. Because many people are not accustomed to engagement gifts, there are many gray areas of gift etiquette, though the following guidelines are generally appropriate:
- Engagement presents are not required, even if an engagement party is thrown
- Couples should never register for nor hint at gifts (no enclosures in invitations, etc.)
- Thank you notes are necessary as soon as possible after the gift is received
- Giving a gift should not be a requirement to receive a wedding invitation
- Giving an engagement gift is voluntary and does not take the place of a wedding gift
- If given, gifts should be offered soon after the engagement announcement or may be brought to an engagement party
- If the engagement is broken, gifts must be returned promptly – including the monetary value of tickets or certificates
Different families have different customs regarding gifts. Some families consider it a necessity, while others are wholly unfamiliar with the practice. How the couple handles the concept of engagement gifts may be their first experience with compromising between their two families, serving as good practice for the inevitable minor (even major) issues that arise during wedding planning. The most important thing for the couple to remember is that this is a period in their relationship worth celebrating, with or without gifts, and hopefully it will lead to a long life together with many more happy memories.
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Comments
Thank you for your comment, Christine. I certainly appreciate how you must feel! A gift should always be given through love and appreciation and never because someone has felt pressured to give. You also make a very good point about returning gifts - even if someone declines, it is still courteous to offer to return the gift.
-- Contributed by: K PullenIt is never acceptable to "register" for engagement gifts. If you got a headstart on your shower registry and someone asks what they might get you than you can refer them to your "shower registry". But NEVER should you expect gifts and engagement party is an announcement, sort of like putting the engagement in the paper. Also, engagement parties are not meant to "collect money and gifts to pay for your wedding". Lastly, if you do have an engagement party and for whatever unfortunate reasons you end up breaking up with your fiancee...than you MUST return all gifts received for the engagement - even if you used them. You must give the gift giver the option of saying "no it's OK I want you to have it." These gifts are given as an investment in your future to make your life easier with this person. If you are not with that person they should be returned. I very unfortunately went to an engagement party in July and in August they announced the were splitting. We gave $200 cash after much pressure from the father of the groom that made us feel like this is a fancy place and we had to give a fancy gift and - Heavens they're serving lobster! Well low and behold $200 gift in July - engagement broken off in August and those 2 never even had the decency to return one gift. They probably just got the checks cashed when they realized they weren't going to stay together and they still didn't return the cash. Sadly - when you do things like this...now if and when this person ever gets engaged again - they will not be receiving a gift from us as they already received a very nice gift.
-- Contributed by: ChristineAlso keep in mind that many guests will buy gifts for the wedding as well; you can combine a wedding and engagement registry to offer them a wide range of options without seeming to be pushy about gifts for the engagement. Since you are already registered, when someone asks you can let them know where to find your wish lists, but don't advertise the information as if you're expecting gifts.
-- Contributed by: MayntzThis page has been accessed 39,921 times. This page was last modified 04:07, 6 September 2008.
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