Broken Engagement

From LoveToKnow EngagementRings

A broken engagement can be a painful experience, but it does not have to be an angry, bitter one, particularly when dealing with the engagement ring. By honoring the past relationship that the ring symbolized and cooperating when returning the ring, a couple can part company without a vicious aftermath.

If the relationship ends, who keeps the ring?

A Broken Engagement: Who Gets The Ring?

Regardless of who may have precipitated the end of the relationship, the question of who gets the engagement ring is not as clear-cut as it may seem. As the price of engagement rings rises, they become not only treasured tokens of love and affection, but also a significant financial investment. Because of this, the couple needs to collaborate on disposing of the ring when an engagement ends.

While every couple’s situation is different, general guidelines and etiquette for the engagement ring in regards to a severed relationship are as follows:

  • First and foremost, the ring is returned to whomever purchased it, generally to the man.
  • If the man does not wish the ring to be returned, the woman may keep it or dispose of it as she sees fit.
  • Heirloom rings are invariably returned to the family of origin, regardless of who proposed to whom or who wears the ring.
  • If the couple purchased the ring together using joint funds, the ring should be returned or sold and the money split proportionally based on the original collaboration of funds.

Some states have precise laws about the status of the ring in a broken engagement: the woman may keep it as a gift or may be required to return it on the basis of a bad faith agreement, or returning the ring may depend on who is responsible for terminating the engagement. If there is a conflict over the dispensation of the ring, it is wise to consult an attorney about local laws and precedents. For very expensive and valuable rings, a prenuptial agreement may note what should happen to the token in case of a split either before or after the wedding.

How to Return the Engagement Ring

As rings grow more valuable, simply slipping a ring off the ring finger and handing it over may not be enough to return it. Paperwork such as certificates, appraisal documentation, and original sales receipts should accompany the ring when it is returned. Of course, returning an engagement ring can be a tumultuous and emotional occasion, and it is permissible to forward the appropriate paperwork in the days after the break up. The same goes for the jewelry box if applicable. Not only are these items useless without the ring, but returning them will also aid in reselling or returning the ring if necessary, demonstrating a maturity and responsibility to see the relationship through properly to the very end.

Reusing an Engagement Ring

One question many men have about a broken engagement is whether or not it is suitable to reuse the engagement ring. In most cases, it is not advisable for several reasons:

  • If there is a dispute about the ring’s ownership in the future, reusing the ring could cause friction and tension in a new relationship.
  • Reusing a ring from an unsuccessful relationship is hardly the best way to symbolize the promise of a new union.
  • Many women’s tastes are sufficiently different that a ring from a previous relationship would not be suitable to another fiancé’s preferences.

If the ring is a family heirloom, however, it is suitable to reuse it because of the intimate connection it has for far more than a single relationship. If the new bride-to-be is still uncomfortable with the connotation of a ring that once was part of a defunct relationship, a new, more suitable ring can be chosen at a later time.

Recovering from a Broken Engagement

Ending an engagement that began with love and promise can be a difficult, tense situation. By knowing what to do with the engagement ring, however, a couple can part ways without struggling over the initial symbol of their relationship. Once both parties have moved on, because they were able to work together even as they moved apart, they will be able to recover and find a meaningful relationship elsewhere with a new symbol to represent their new love and commitment.



 


Comments

Thank you for your comment, Melissa. It sounds as though you should take legal advice. Some states have precise laws about the status of the ring in a broken engagement and a legal adviser will be able to give you accurate advice based on your situation.

-- Contributed by: K Pullen

We purchased my ring on my credit card. We will be selling our home and paying off the cards. We had been together for almost 10 years before he gave it to me. The break up was mostly my fault, as I realized that we had underlying problems that I couldn't overcome. We attempted to make things work, but he was the one who officially broke it off. He intends to sell it, for less than it's worth, and I want to keep it and have it reset. He refuses to let me keep it, even if I pay him for it. Who should get the ring?

-- Contributed by: Melissa

Anne - In most cases, the ring is considered a "gift" and it would be up to him to choose to return it. If it was a very expensive ring, however, you may want to investigate small claims court to see if you could recover it, but bear in mind that that could add to a higher stress level that may be more dangerous. Be sure to keep yourself safe, whatever course of action you decide.

-- Contributed by: Mayntz
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