Appropriate Engagement Gifts

Defining Appropriate

What is an appropriate gift for one couple may be entirely inappropriate for another, and before choosing engagement gifts it is important to understand what would work for that individual pair of about-to-be-newlyweds. Ideally, engagement gifts will share certain characteristics, including:

• Togetherness: An appropriate gift is something the couple can share together, whether it is a practical item or a luxurious indulgence. This also means that both individuals will enjoy the gift, not that one person will enjoy it immediately while the other learns to do so because it is part of their betrothed’s hobbies.
• Celebration: An appropriate gift will celebrate the couple and the union they are about to form. While extremely practical gifts may be useful, they are not always as celebratory as something more fun and enjoyable.
• Well-Meant: An engagement gift should be given as a well-meant token of congratulations and best wishes for the happy couple, but if giving such a gift is problematic for the giver (perhaps financially, emotionally, or otherwise), they should not feel obligated to do so. Engagement gifts are never required, and a simple heartfelt congratulations can be just as meaningful and appreciated as a wrapped package.

Inappropriate Gifts

When two families are about to blend together through a new set of nuptials, it is no surprise that there can be conflicts in expectations and assumptions. These conflicts can lead to inappropriate gifts that may be awkward, offensive, and embarrassing, particularly if the gift-givers are not well acquainted with the couple. To avoid inappropriate gifts, do not give items that may seem to force a couple toward particular beliefs, customs, or lifestyles. This includes family planning items, religious material, or any gift solely focused on one person rather than the couple together.

Ideas for Appropriate Engagement Gifts

There are many types of gifts that are suitable for couples announcing their engagement, from classic items to funny engagement gifts. Popular choices include:

• Offers of services for the upcoming wedding, such as floral arranging, seamstress skills, photography, wedding websites, or music, though the couple should not be pressured to work with friends or relatives if they are not comfortable.
• Engagement cards with romantic or humorous sentiments, perhaps with a gift certificate or cash gift enclosed.
• Wedding planning items, such as checklists, planning guides, and other materials.
• Romantic gifts for the couple to share, including couple’s massages, dinner gift certificates, a picnic basket for two, or an engraved photo album.
• Flowers, a bottle of wine or champagne, or other classic celebratory gifts.
• His and hers items that demonstrate the couple’s connection to one another.
• Household items if the couple already lives together, though these items should be avoided if they are not planning to move in together until after the wedding.

Are Registries Appropriate?

Engagement gifts are not required.

Gift registries are a popular wedding tool favored by couples and guests alike, and many newly engaged couples wonder whether or not a registry is appropriate for engagement gifts. Because engagement gifts are not required to celebrate the new status of the couple’s relationship, a registry solely for the engagement is considered presumptuous and potentially rude, sending the message that the gifts are the most important reason for becoming engaged.

At the same time, however, a couple may set up a wedding registry early in their engagement and it can be a convenient way for well-wishers to find appropriate engagement gifts. The key to keeping a registry acceptable is to avoid promoting it – the couple should not include registry information with engagement announcements or engagement party invitations, for example. If they are asked, they can mention that they’ve already set up a wedding registry, but they should also stress that engagement gifts, while a thoughtful gesture and much appreciated, are not necessary. Guests, then, can feel free to use the registry as a convenience when finding gifts or they can choose a more suitable engagement gift on their own.

As more couples celebrate their engagement with organized engagement parties, family and friends may be challenged to find appropriate engagement gifts to offer their congratulations. While such gifts are not required, choosing gifts appropriate to the couple can let them know they have the support of family and friends as they prepare to walk down the aisle.